Fortune teller? Aaarggghh!

Let me tell you some of the shortcomings of being a qualified, certified, experienced Feng Shui consultant.

1 - Not everybody knows the difference between a feng shui consultant/master and a fortune-teller.
2 - Not everybody knows the difference between a feng shui consultant/master and a fortune-teller.
3 - Not everybody knows the difference between a feng shui consultant/master and a fortune-teller.

Occasionally my patience is put to the test. That's when people pop their heads in to ask if you can 'tengok nasib' or 'thai seong'. Needless to say, these people are from all the three major races - Malay, Chinese and Indians (In that order of popularity!)

I have to keep on telling them that I do not tell fortunes. I am a feng shui consultant or a feng shui master if you wish to accord me some measure of respect. If you want me to analyse the feng shui of your home or office, I can do that for you. I can recommend things that you can do or place in order to balance out the energies and elements of your workplace or home environment. I do not tell fortunes. Even if I took a course in palm or face-reading, it will be to enhance my feng shui consultations. I will not tell fortunes. If everyone's future is meant to be current knowledge, God would have made it available.

Honestly, it annoys the hell out of me when that happens. Maybe I should go to work with a bandanna wrapped around my head, wear huge loop earrings and sit in front of a crystal ball!

Today was the ultimate insult. A whole family (And I mean a whole family - dad, mum and about 6 off-springs) came in to browse.

The mum was so proud of her eldest son. She told me he is an interior designer and has already purchased all the feng shui books we have. She said that he is so interested in feng shui that he intends to use it in his designing.

Number One Son spoke to me and asked a lot of feng shui-related questions but didn't even seem to know the simplest of the basics. Humphm. So much for his library of feng shui books. Wonder if he even reads them. I mean, he asked me what he should place in his new car so that the registration number would win the four digits draw!!!?????!!!

I told him that there is nothing to place in a car other than to ensure safety whilst driving and protection against car break-in.

Almost immediately, his mum piped-up with this - "I bought this combination of numbers - 9*** Can you tell me if it will come out?"

I couldn't believe my ears. For a moment I was speechless. Then, I said,

"Ma'am, I am not a dead spirit who can give you four-digit numbers. I am a feng shui consultant" At this point, both she and her lady friend grinned and chuckled sheepishly.

SHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSESSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ever anyone reading this posting, loses his or her daytime job or gets retrenched or laid-off work, put on that bandanna, hook-up the earrings, knock-out a tooth or two, grab that crystal ball and borrow your auntie's multi-tiered ruffled skirt - GOSH! YOU CAN MAKE A LIVING WITH ALL THOSE REALLY GULLIBLE PEOPLE OUT THERE SEEKING TO KNOW THEIR FUTURE!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!